EcoGod

I had a thousand options for things to do yesterday. Music festival, friends' bands playing, bonfires, parties, etc... there was no reason I should have been in my house.

Except that God asked me to stay in.

I've done things against what God's asked me to do and it usually turns out fine, but that's it. It turns out fine. I don't get blessed, revitalized, nourished. I just keep on existing. Go me.

So I stayed in. And I got the revitalization I needed just from sitting around and journaling and backtracking in old journals and watchin' Narnia and playing music and watching thunderstorms (and, yes, standing out in the thunderstorms, because I wanted to become an active participant instead of just an observer).

In my life, there are a few flavors of journals and notebooks, and I'd strongly advise whoever cleans up my stuff after I die just to chuck 'em, because there's going to be a lot of them and it would take years to go through them all. I'm only 25 and I've got a stack of journals as high as my arm.

Anyway, I've got diaries, which are for blabbing about current life events; I've got notebooks, which are for poetry and writing music; and I've got my little red book. The little red book has only existed a couple of years now and I think it's a type of journal I'll be continuing. The little red book is easy to carry in a small bag or a large pocket. It started as a place to jot random song ideas but it's turned into my little red book of personal revelation from God. Whenever I feel Him talking to me, I write in it.

This is an excerpt from November 13. I had just wrapped up a 3-day young adult conference in Worcester, MA.

Yesterday, Jay [Pathak, our guest speaker] asked if there was anyone with a holy discontent on them, on their hearts, something felt of God's heart. I began sobbing. My chest started just to heave of its own accord.
And I tried to hide it.
It was like I was embarrassed to feel this way. The feeling was like, why can't I just be normal like everyone else? Why can't I just be happy living and not thinking about how bad the environment is getting?
What a terrible thought, but, you know, healing the environment is a great and terrible task. I have enough worldly knowledge about it now that I know it's a nearly impossible task.
...
I feel silly believing that I could feel the anger of God towards the destruction of His planet. But I have to believe it. I've known that the environmental attitudes of people is a spiritual deficit - I've known that it must upset God - I've just ever known that God would actually lift the walls between our hearts and let that feeling flood into me.
...
One thing... one thing that I need to say... is that I feel overwhelmingly pressured by other people [Christians] that God's heart is for people and not the planet. And certainly God's heart is for the people. Especially the poor. But God... God loves the things He has made. And He hates that those things are marginalized and set aside as "something to do after everyone gets saved."

See, I honestly think God stopped me from writing in here for a bit while He did some work in me. I used to get words when I first started going to my church that I wasn't ready to do anything, that it was just time to wait on the Lord and let Him build a good foundation that we can work from. Unfortunately, I'm impatient and impetuous, so this was frustrating to me.

But there is a great sweet joy in having a relationship with the Lord and I'm always happy when we spend good quality time together, like yesterday, and like all the time He was building our foundation.

When I first became a Christian, I was very shy about it. I wanted more than anything to follow God and not be a Christian. My prayer was, please, God, I love you, but please don't make me have to be a Christian. See, Christians were very scary people to me. They were the people that rabidly proclaimed God's hatred on most of how I lived my life or the values I held. Certainly not personally - just the impression I got from how they conducted themselves toward everyone else. So I guess I figured if I started calling myself a Christian, people I knew would begin to think of me as a terrible person.

But I didn't have a choice. God had me hooked. I knew He wanted to have a relationship with me, I began to understand that he was Love and not hate, and knowing this, I found it impossible to ignore His call.

So now, here I am, blabbing all about it. Why's it relevant to environment? Because it's not just "the environment." It's God's. He loves it. He made it. And when people get disconnected from what He has made, they're disconnected from Him. Even those who profess to follow Him.

I will no longer be ashamed or afraid to talk about Creation and God's love for it. I will no longer prance around the issue on this blog. This is who I am now.