Orange Seedlings, 2 months. Plus, a little happy avocado.

My orange seedlings are now 2.5 months old!

Given my track record with seedlings, I find I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop... trying not to hope too much, or get too excited about anything... Honestly, though, these are a TON easier than the apple seedlings I was always trying to grow. Apples are so susceptible to root rot. Overwater them even a little, and they're done.

Citrus is different, somehow. Either that, or I've learned not to fawn all over the things. There's an art to knowing how much water to give to a plant.

I got all excited because they unfurled their first true leaves. Then they settled in for awhile, and didn't do anything. Which is something that always makes me nervous, because when the apple seedlings stopped growing, it meant they were dying. I think, though, that in healthy plants, they alternate growing upwardly and downwardly.

Within the last week or so, they started putting out a second set of leaves. I think I need to give them some compost tea soon.





And here we have a little avocado pit. I had no intention of sprouting an avocado pit, but Shane said, "try it," so... I did.

I have two of them going, but only one put out a root. It's pretty easy to start them, just put them pointy side up in some water. They need to be suspended because the root needs some space to descend. I peeled off some of the skin to speed things up. Most of the instructions I saw called for folks to actually stick toothpicks in the pit to keep it suspended, but I didn't think it was good practice to put holes in a seed, so I'm using an old onion mesh bag. I'm probably going to cut it a little bigger around where the root is so that it doesn't get strangled.

Eco-friendly Christmas: Wrappin'

Guess what these li'l guys are wrapped in?

Pages from last year's Eddie Bauer Christmas catalog.

Merry Christmaaaas!

Easy good acorn squash recipe

Holidays means potlucks. And you sometimes get folks that are vegan or vegetarian or lactose intolerant or glucose intolerant or I don't know what.

So I found this recipe. I like acorn squash because they are one of our native vegetables. And they're TASTY!

I thought this recipe covered all my bases but I guess not. Apparently even if you substitute margarine for butter, it depends on the kind of margarine whether it's fully vegan or glucose-free. Anyway, it was still pretty tasty and easy and not cost-intensive, and it was well-received amongst my peers, so I thought I'd share it.

(from http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Acorn-Squash-Slices)

Ingredients

2 medium acorn squash (about 1-1/2 pounds each)
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup maple syrup
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1/3 cup chopped pecans, optional

Directions

Cut squash in half lengthwise; remove and discard seeds and membrane. Cut each half widthwise into 1/2-in. slices; discard ends.
Place slices in a greased 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish. Sprinkle with salt. Combine syrup and butter; pour over squash. Sprinkle with pecans if desired.
Cover and bake at 350° for 40-45 minutes or until tender. Yield: 6 servings.

Christmas makes you spend time differently.

Realizing that the Christmastime season isn't a good time to do my time audit, but I have a super-cool spreadsheet to put things in now. (I designed it myself because I'm nerdy like that.) Plus, it's good to do a little dry run so that I can figure out how it's going to work. For example, some of the time I spent doing errands yesterday was technically spent driving, but I didn't count it that way, so I need to figure out how and why I want to do that bit.

The chart automatically adjusts when I put numbers in ^^

If anything, this exercise is just helping me to be more aware of things like, when I'm on the computer and not working on the mile-long list of Stuff I Gotta Get Done Today.

I would like to add that I don't ordinarily ever sleep this good. Data is definitely being skewed by something or other.

TIme audit

I began an experiment today.

I'm auditing my time. I'm tracking how much time I spend doing what during the day.

Time is valuable. You track finances. Time is easily equally important. I realize if I feel crunched for time, the best thing to do is to try to get an honest look at where it's going.

Today's revelation:

WORK: 6.25 hours (41%)
HANGOUT/JAM: 4 hours (26%)
SOCIAL MEDIA: 2 hours (12 %)
DRIVING: 1 hour (6%)
PREPARING FOR THINGS: 1 hour (6%)
MEETINGS: 1 hour (6%)
LESSON: 1/2 hour (3%)

Oddly, my two income sources are sandwiched, there. The one I spend the least amount of time on earns me my best hourly wage.

Hmmmmmm.

I can DEFINITELY cut back on social media. (What was I really doing on facebook for two hours that was *SO* important???)

Stream of Consciousness/BUSY

A few things I'm dealing with going into the Christmas season.

I'm a victim, again, of being BUSY. BUSY is an acronym. BUSY means "Bound Under Satan's Yoke." A friend and mentor shared that with me, and frankly, I love it.

God's plan was not for me to be so burdened with obligations. That was the plan of my squirrelly little mind. We can get caught so easily in the trap of thinking that our minds are superior to all other aspects of our selves. Someone kindly reminded me today that this isn't so. Mind is subject to the spirit. You know things in spirit that the mind doesn't understand. I know it's important to be kind to other people, and my mind can generate several good and logical reasons to be kind to people. But the mind does not understand love as simply and purely as the spirit does.

In my mind, I often think to myself how grand it is to keep on keepin' on. Get things done. Do good things. Make people happy. Then, feelings of responsibility seep in. Then, you can tie your own failure to the notion of letting people down. Then, you get caught up in a sneaky spiral of self-hatred.

Because it's good to do good things, but ultimately, God's got things under control. There's no need to stretch myself so thin that I snap. There never was.

I tie this into the environmental cause because so much destruction is caused by basic behavior patterns. We are trained to be so busy that we need fast food just to get through the day, and then we sit around in a stupor watching TV at the end of the day. When we slow down, let God be in control, and only take on obligations prayerfully and carefully. God will sometimes tell me to do a thing I wouldn't ordinarily think about, or tell me NOT to do a thing I was really excited about. There has usually never been a negative repercussion for disobeying; I just don't get really blessed, or I don't feel God's presence about whatever it is I'm doing. Which is so key to my existence.

Being so busy has caused me to falter in basic things like praying and reading my Bible. (And other things, like laundry and having food available for consumption). In my mind, these things are time-consuming and getting in the way of MY achieving. Darnit. In passing these things aside, my spirit starves, I don't hear from God as frequently, I don't feel His presence, I'm not calm, I'm not assured in myself. The word "frenetic" comes to mind. Frenetic is fun for about five seconds. Then it feels like an eternal caffeine overdose.

So, I'm trying to lay aside the notion that I'm responsible for things, put them in God's hands, and ask Him to come and cut out some of the craziness I've gotten myself into. It's always so easy to take things on and harder to wriggle out of them... but if my relationship with God comes first, and it does, I'll ask Him to help with it, and He will.

Food Fight: Co-op versus Farmers Market

I finally did it. I made it back to the Newark Farmer's Market.

I keep going back to Acme, Safeway, etc. whatever's on the way home from work. Monday, though, I don't know what got into me, but... I've recently been having this notion hammered into me. Faith without works is dead. Talk is cheap. Say whatever you want, it's actions that make up who you are and what you stand for. Go support your locally owned produce market, if you believe in it so much.

And I do.

And I do it because... well, essentially, local is better. Corporations are too big, have too much influence, and their main priority is to produce sustainable legal income. Some corporations do care about the environment, but when you look at the structure: their PRIORITY is to make money. Period. I don't trust something that operates that way. Aside from that, I think "love thy neighbor" sums it up. I am loving the people in my community by supporting what I think is a well-run local business. I am putting my money in their hands instead of in the hands of corporations. I just like it bettah that way.

It's not really a farmer's market, per se. When I think "Farmer's Market," I think about a spot where you can buy foods from the farmers what grew 'em. That's not the case with this place, but I like it for what it is.

It's inside of an old department store. (I remember when it was still Best. I remember that there was a phone shaped as a football that was entrancing enough to write about in my journal later.) I suppose it's renovated, but when you go in it still has that "rough around the edges" feeling. Which is a feeling I kinda like. It makes things feel like, "yeah, we're a store, and we're real people running a real store, WHAT. Were you expecting something nicer than a concrete floor? Go to Wal-Mart for all I care."

I still have a tough time buying food around here. I got spoiled in Takoma Park. Best place I ever lived for eating. And dancing. And aikido. (Remind me why I left, again??) Their farmers markets, you knew you were buying local. Their co-op was the bomb for prices. Comparatively, I'm less than thrilled here.

I do shop the co-op for bulk foods. They have organic brown rice (need to buy organic for brown rice because the hulls really cling to any pesticides). They have nature burger, and they finally got that refried bean mix. Glorious. But when I'm at the co-op, looking at the produce... aside from a few tags in PA, MD, and DE, a lot of the stuff is still coming in from California.

I can't figure what the difference is between shopping at the co-op and shopping at the farmer's market. Both are small local groceries, which is what I want, to stop voting for the existence of corporations with my money. Both get their produce from just about as far away, which is to say, probably some local but not all. The Farmers Market has a HUGE selection, though, and they have cheese made in New York, and you can get out of the store without damaging your wallet.

Shrug. If I wanted to be super-good, I'd get on a CSA. To be honest, CSA's scare me. I've never done it before. I do like stepping out of my comfort zone, but I don't do it all the time. There are times to try new things and take new steps. Anyway, I'm afraid of a few things. I'm afraid that I'll end up investing a lot of money (don't have a ton of extra cash lying around) in too much food (buying for 1 person = many things go bad before you can eat them) that I don't know how to cook (I've tried the whole "buy this and figure out how to make it" method, it ends up getting ignored and rotting in the fridge).

I think it's in the future, it's just a not-now kind of step. Meh.

Orange Seedlings: Timelapse

You may be getting the vague impression that I'm REALLY EXCITED about my li'l orange seedlings...



You'd be right!

The Hairsperiment, Following Up...

My non-hair-washing experiment went so well that I forgot I was running it.

I now wash my hair about once per month, and I'm back to a baking-soda-paste scrub, which I prefer on ecological principles. (Shampoo = many ingredients = much energy = I polluted more; Baking soda = one ingredient (which can be used for many purposes) = less energy = less impact.)

I went to get my hair cut about a month after I first began the experiment. We did the whole intro: sit down in the chair, stylist plays with your hair, you tell her what you're thinking about the hair, she tells you what she thinks about what you thought, then you go wash the hair.

Right before we got to the sink, I confided that I hadn't washed in a month. She was totally floored. (In a good way, don't worry, she was cool and wasn't grossed out at all.) She hadn't been able to tell at ALL, not from touching it, or even smelling it. Most people really can't tell. My mom hasn't said anything in these few months, and she's the olfactory queen, so either she's obliging me or she hasn't detected a thing.

Can I tell? ... I can. The only thing that gives it away is that the hair has more body, and generally lies flatter. I've got thick hair, and I usually keep it cut really, really, really short, because I just think it's a hassle. (I got things to do, okay? I made it a policy long ago that I would not be one to waste my life away in the bathroom or in front of a mirror.) But now, I've let it grow long... it's even touching my neck, now, without assistance. And I credit the length with a couple of things... Firstly, I'm a cheapskate thrifty. Secondly - because my hair has more natural oil in it - not to make this sound gross - it stays put when I brush it away. I can wake up in the morning with total bedhead, and it brushes out. And I repeat, it's NOT greasy. It's just got more oomph to it. It's like it's actually got life in it. To summarize: I find my hair is healthier-looking, healthier-feeling, and easier to manage now, as compared to when I washed it daily.

One tip, though - if you're going to do this, get a comb. A fat-toothed comb. Or a brush that cleans easily. I have a brush and it works fine, but there is some grease that accumulates over time, and I generally found it works well if you can clean it easily from your brush or comb a few times a month.

Winninnnnng

Orange seedlings

Sprouted around October 10, planted October 15. (I dunno if that's 2 or 3 weeks of growth.) They're still alive, and hopefully will continue to grow. Sunlight's getting weaker and I've just got the one little CFL to supplement their growth. Plus, it's chilly in here (air temp is 60 degrees) so I put a little heat pad under them (with auto shut-off) to try to boost the soil temps.

I put up a little timelapse on my tumblr, 'cos it's easier to scroll through the pictures.

A beautiful variegated fritillary. Released today to brave the rain and snow tomorrow. Either that or to become food for some other critter.

Which really begs the question, why did I bother to nurture this thing whose chances out there in the world are slim to nil? 'Cause, I don't know. I, too, am tasked with equally impossible things. I, too, sometimes crash and burn. But I am glad to have had the chance to crash and burn, and maybe there is something redeeming that will arise out of it, and maybe I only know that I cannot know what it is. Some days, the best I can do is to give God a chance. To let him into my life. To nurture a thing to its full potential and then release it into the teeth of a snowstorm. And then, wait to see what beauty He may work of it. Patiently. Expectantly.

After The. Worst. Day. Of. Work. I came home. And I just want to sit down and cry.

But I came home and found out that SOMEONE BROKE MY CHRYSALIS!



And then I realized, nope.



I guess I'll release him tomorrow. You know, before the FREAKING SNOW STORM THAT'S GONNA RUIN THE HALLOWEEN HOOT.

I might still have that cry after all.

Anntiiiiciiiipaaaaaaaaatioooooon

October 21 versus October 26. It's roughly day 10 of the variegated fritillary's life a a pupa. Probably it'll hatch at some point when I'm too busy having a life to watch butterflies be born :(

Li'l autumn hike in White Clay

Hikin'! On the Penndel trail on the PA side of the White Clay Creek preserve.

I made a trail buddy today. I ran into a nice gent on the trail with a bandana tied scout-style around his neck, somehow we ended up talking about Sycamores and eagles and things. (I don't remember ever being this gregarious growing up, but my friend from first grade tells me that our initial contact was me saying, "hey, you wanna be friends?" So despite my memory's infidelity, there's apparently a historical precedent.)


Sycamores on the other side... (the bark peels and they look white)


Sycamore leaves get biiiiiiiig!


This is why we leave fallen trees. They become new habitat and eventually, new dirt!


I took this photo to show what a trail blaze is. See the little blue mark on the tree on the left? That's a trail blaze. It is said that certain local park systems actually prohibit the use of trail blazes because it would ruin the trail's aesthetic appeal. Personally, my thought is that getting lost on a trail with the sky going dark is the thing that ruins aesthetic appeal, but what do I know.


Splash'a red!

Why go hiking? Welp. Before I even knew God very well, I knew that nature was special. And when I finally began to know God, I was surrounded by a pristine Alaskan wilderness, and looking around, you can just tell there's something big out there, and it loves the planet very, very much; why else would it be so beautiful?

Every time I'm in nature, I revert to my purest form. I can just be. Every time I've ever been in nature, I become simultaneously satisfied and even more curious. Eyes that have been trained to see pick out the familiar and the unfamiliar. Ears discern the calls of common birds and demand attention over those less heard. There are messages in all of it, and they are all from God.

Variegated Fritillary

It's a Variegated Fritillary. I figured it out after a little more searchin'. And the plants are wild violets, which they sometimes feed on.



Right before pupa stage.



With half its caterpillar skin still on. I think people think that a chrysalis is just a caterpillar that hardens on the outside. It actually pupates on the inside, then sheds its old caterpillar skin. Last night at 0030.



Skin shed complete (the skin is that crumpled up thing on top) this morning at 0900.



So pretty! This doesn't give you any perspective on the size. It's about a half-inch long (as wide across as a dime) and as big around as a chopstick.

Excite!

Black swallowtail caterpillar successfully made it to the pupa stage. I was a little nervous because he went into his "j" pose for like 24 hours. (That's the last thing they do as a caterpillar - they start webbing themselves onto whatever surface suits best, and the next time you see them they're in a chrysalis.) Anyway, I came home from work today and found his last little skin shed on the floor of the tank, and him all brown and camouflaged-lookin'.

The spiky guy is doing something... I finally put a few sticks in his tank and he started going nuts. I've never seen a caterpillar web like this before.



(A better photo of him, now that I got my camera batts all charged)



(THE WEBINATIONNNNN)


AND, the orange seeds are sprouting. YAY!!!

Botanical anecdotes in Autumn.

Autumn!



Leaves!

Red maple and red oak. We’re seeing a lot of red, but I saw some poplars the other day that were starting to show off their yellow. The reds are my favorite, though, especially when you see that one tree that seems almost neon red, popping decisively from the autumn wash of landscape.

Anyway, I’m trying a thing.

In the history of seeds I’ve sprouted, there was once an orange. I think it lasted a week before I finally fried it out in the sun. That was 2009. I’ve learned a thing or two since. Primarily things about patience with tiny delicate organisms.

I am constantly on the lookout for seeds. If I eat a thing that has seeds, I will try to save the seeds and sprout them. I’ve sprouted probably hundreds of apple seeds. And now, hopefully, a batch of orange seeds from a really seedy orange I knew once...

I’m not good at plant care. Like, at all. There’s a friend of mine who’s awesome at it, and she had the incredible misfortune of hiring me to mind her house while she vacationed with family this summer. She didn’t leave long enough for me to do permanent damage, but there were all kinds of things in her instructions that I was pretty sure I would have figured out eventually.

I enjoy caring for plants, though, because I always find little messages from God.

Mint, for example, a tenacious little plant, can be encouraged to root if you mash a sprig of it into the dirt. And cutting it off at the top, the main bent of its growth, forces it to branch out. So, if you find yourself facedown in the dirt, or if you are suddenly stopped - look for the other ways you can grow.

My strawberry plant returned this year with a vengeance. It had rooted its runners into every other pot before I even noticed. Not every runner found a spot to root, but most did. Lesson learned: rabid enthusiasm breeds success.

I cared for my own first tomato plant this summer. (Yes, I somehow got to be this old without ever having my own tomato plant.) I found out that tomatoes need a TON OF WATER. In fact, I kept having little hard green tomatoes that refused to ripen until I began dousing the thing with water. Just another notion of fairness not being equalness, but being “everyone gets what he or she needs.”

And, despite having just the tomato and the pepper plant - I lost some veggies just because I didn’t pick them when they were ripe. If a thing is ripe, PICK the darn thing. Don’t sit around waiting for bugs to eat it. Cause they will.

Anyway, enough of these botanical anecdotes. With any luck, I’ll have the patience to properly care for some orange seedlings, once they (hopefully) start to sprout...

Caterpillar update.

Well, I did quite a lot of caterpillar care this summer. We had a batch of black swallowtail butterflies hatch from the little guys I found on my parsley. But there were two that didn’t hatch. They ate, and pooped, and ate, and pooped, and they went to chrysalis, but they never hatched.

The question was posed: are they dead?

Well... from what I can tell (aka, Google search!), a dead chrysalis turns brown/black. (And I actually had the misfortune of encountering a dead monarch chrysalis out in the park, and the stench was incredible.) These guys, though, they haven’t done that. They’re just... sleeping. Apparently, with black swallowtails - if it’s late in the season, they just stay in there all winter and come back out... later. June?

That was a relief, but now I’m stuck with two chrysalises that are sleeping in, in a huge way. Pfff.

My friend Beth recently found that she had a black swallowtail cat on her parsley. Which really had me doing a triple-take. It’s October, f’goshsakes. Anyway, I stuck it in there with the two chrysalises to overwinter. It kind of reminded me of the Dawn Treader, not the crappy movie version, but the awesome and authentic story by C. S. Lewis. I’m going from memory, so I could be wrong, but... near the end, they found the last two lords asleep at a stone table. They had collected one lord from the island of darkness, or fear, or whatever, and he was so shaken up from being trapped there for so long that he wasn’t in a state to adventure forth anymore. They left him at the table with the other two and he fell asleep, to be woken later.


(Here he is with a sleeping chrysalis to his right. He may be getting ready to do the same since he's crawling on the ceiling and not interested in food anymore.)

Maybe a little dramatic to describe my little caterpillar situation, but I kinda like it.

There was also this red and black caterpillar with spikes:



I didn’t know what it was, but Beth had plenty of its host plant since it was some unknown weed that she was pulling out of the garden. I opted to take this one home, too, though it’s a bit of a mystery bug. The closest thing I can find to it is a Gulf Fritillary larva. The problem is that Gulf Fritillaries ONLY feed on passion flowers or passion vines. And I have no freaking clue what this plant is, but why would it be growing like a weed in Beth’s garden if it was a passion flower?

(Then again, what business does a black swallowtail cat have, being born in October?)

What a weird world it is. Anyway, I’m kinda excited to see what happens with my mystery cat. It’s still eating and pooping (actually it has gravity-defying turds that stick on the side of the container...), so I’m pretty optimistic that I’ll find out within the next few weeks.

Black Swallowtail, first instar

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!!



I put out parsley hoping this would happen, and it did! Black swallowtail butterflies loooooove parsley. They will lay their eggs on parsley, because that's what the baby caterpillars eat. These are first instar, no bigger across than my pinky finger (and it's a skinny pinky finger!)

I safely collected 8 of these guys and put them with some parsley in a jar (with holes in the lid, obviously). Last year, we took some of these to Tri-State Christian Camp and the kids looooooooved them. The folks who run the camp already left, but luckily I have a couple camps at my work who'd love to see these guys mature into butterflies.

Joying

Part of the work of healing the spiritual rifts between us and God is en-joying His creation. I believe this is true. When you are invited to someone else's workshop or gallery, it is appropriate and kind to offer compliments on the works you see there. And in the offering of compliments, you will create a bond between yourself and the maker. Shoot, he might even give you something to take home.

So here's one way I've been en-joying creation.



By GETTING SURROUNDED BY IT!

From the right, we have: aloe, bamboo, a tiny little oak which I believe is not living anymore, some scorched basil, and mint out the wazoo. I put them behind the sink because they are all too sensitive to be out in the blazing summer heat, but I now really en-joy having them there, because it makes washing the dishes a little bit more fun.

I scorched the mint pretty badly. Mint is my first love, though, and the cure to all black thumbs, because it is just like the Terminator: "I'll be back" --



I like the image of this little mint bud rising up under the shadow of its shriveled predecessor. As long as it's got one or two roots still living under the soil, it'll rise up again, no sweat no doubt.

I think Walt the fish likes having a little jungle of mint, too:

But I love the smell of burning rice...

In some respects, I am a well-oiled organizational machine. If I latch onto a thing, I organize myself and other people, make spreadsheets, create e-mail groups, plan meetings with prepared agendas so they'll run as efficiently as possible, contact necessary players in the community with polite and motivational messages...

In other respects, I am a complete space case. Always have been, always will be. There's a story from my childhood about how I entered a room to take a test at school, and proceeded to walk across every single chair in the room in order to get where the proctor was. Certain things about normal, everyday life just don't click in my mind.

My mother knows this about me. She's a good mom, so when she saw that I had posted more than one facebook status concerning burnt rice -- instead of judging me and ostracizing me, she decided to love me for who I am instead and bought me a rice cooker.



My environmentalist brain rarely shuts off, so while I am emotionally pleased with the gift (very pleased!! ^^), my brain is ticking away. Having more gadgets doesn't simplify - doesn't it create more clutter and involve more energy to make more things?

This is true. The rice cooker is a product that took energy to make.

However, the rice cooker is also designed specifically to do one thing, and to do it well, wasting less energy than a pot on the stove. The stovetop is not a great energy-efficient way of doing things, unfortunately - it's beaten out by the microwave and pretty much anything else designed for one purpose, like a rice cooker or a hotpot.

So the trading point is: am I going to use this gadget? How much am I going to use this gadget? Is it a worthwhile investment of the planet's energy, or would it be best in someone else's hands?

Fortunately, since my eco-friendly lifestyle involves eating copious amounts of brown rice (less processed = less energy + more natural nutrients + happier digestive system), the rice cooker is totally worth it. I made a big ol' mess of brown rice and it didn't even burn. Also, I steamed some broccoli and it was really tasty.

Thanks for following me through that weird thought process. Here's to the end of the days of burnt rice ^^

Hair washing.

Currently I am measuring the necessity of washing my hair. To date, no one has indicated to me in any fashion that they've noticed I haven't washed my hair in the last 3-4 weeks. In fact, the only comment made about my hair in that time was Michael asking if I had highlights put in. I told him yes - in February. You're not unobservant, Michael. For some reason, they're way more visible now that I've stopped washing my hair. :) (I am rinsing, though.)

For those that might wonder - while I do work in parks, I am not entitled in any way to be a dirty hippy as far as my employment's concerned. Appearance needs to be professional and generally non-frightening. It's not an act of rebellion and yes, if my hair was grungy (or gets real grungy), I'd wash. Rather than defiance, this is just me trying to eliminate having to buy a product I don't need. Plus, it cuts down on water consumption and shower time. Live simply that others may simply live.

A thought.

I found this thought that I scribbled down (despite having scads of notebooks sometimes the occasional thought slips through onto a piece of scrap paper).

"Right now we live in a society that chooses how to live without regard for the Earth and then spends its resources proving that it can't prove how long the Earth will be around. How about if we just choose a lifestyle that assures the existence of the planet?"

Good thought, past me.

Thoughts on the impossible.

A friend, Mary, recently gave a teaching at a women's retreat, and it still sticks with me: sometimes God calls us to the impossible so that when we achieve the impossible, we can't possibly claim the credit. The glory is God's and it's blatant to everyone with eyes to see, including those who follow Him and those who don't.

Time and again, God has used non-believers to do His work. I never forget this, especially in our battle for harmony with creation. Christians ought to be leading the charge, but as they're not - God will use whomever is willing to hear His battle cry.

I once saw a grown man, an advocate of nature whose career is based in a love of parks, walk out of a short film depicting the destruction of coral reefs. This image comes back to me over and over again as I try to walk this out. Many people, regardless of their understanding of God, can sense the spiritual side of this battle. It is more than just destruction of the planet, it's a destruction of self, the defacement of our own dignity. It's like waking up one morning and realizing you've been using your bed as a toilet for the last year. Or worse, someone else has been using your bed as their own toilet, continues to do so, and they can't understand why you're so upset with them.

It seems impossible. Daunting. Because the solution is not policy change, new laws, or innovative technology. The solution is a lasting personal change in the hearts of men and women. The solution is an understanding that our planet is sacred. Understanding that it's actually really unhealthy to soil your own bed. It won't be accomplished with pamphlets, facts, figures, rants, or anything like that. It will be accomplished with simple and self-sacrificing love, just like anything else that God does.


Jesus only did what he saw the Father doing.

What's the Father doing?

EcoGod

I had a thousand options for things to do yesterday. Music festival, friends' bands playing, bonfires, parties, etc... there was no reason I should have been in my house.

Except that God asked me to stay in.

I've done things against what God's asked me to do and it usually turns out fine, but that's it. It turns out fine. I don't get blessed, revitalized, nourished. I just keep on existing. Go me.

So I stayed in. And I got the revitalization I needed just from sitting around and journaling and backtracking in old journals and watchin' Narnia and playing music and watching thunderstorms (and, yes, standing out in the thunderstorms, because I wanted to become an active participant instead of just an observer).

In my life, there are a few flavors of journals and notebooks, and I'd strongly advise whoever cleans up my stuff after I die just to chuck 'em, because there's going to be a lot of them and it would take years to go through them all. I'm only 25 and I've got a stack of journals as high as my arm.

Anyway, I've got diaries, which are for blabbing about current life events; I've got notebooks, which are for poetry and writing music; and I've got my little red book. The little red book has only existed a couple of years now and I think it's a type of journal I'll be continuing. The little red book is easy to carry in a small bag or a large pocket. It started as a place to jot random song ideas but it's turned into my little red book of personal revelation from God. Whenever I feel Him talking to me, I write in it.

This is an excerpt from November 13. I had just wrapped up a 3-day young adult conference in Worcester, MA.

Yesterday, Jay [Pathak, our guest speaker] asked if there was anyone with a holy discontent on them, on their hearts, something felt of God's heart. I began sobbing. My chest started just to heave of its own accord.
And I tried to hide it.
It was like I was embarrassed to feel this way. The feeling was like, why can't I just be normal like everyone else? Why can't I just be happy living and not thinking about how bad the environment is getting?
What a terrible thought, but, you know, healing the environment is a great and terrible task. I have enough worldly knowledge about it now that I know it's a nearly impossible task.
...
I feel silly believing that I could feel the anger of God towards the destruction of His planet. But I have to believe it. I've known that the environmental attitudes of people is a spiritual deficit - I've known that it must upset God - I've just ever known that God would actually lift the walls between our hearts and let that feeling flood into me.
...
One thing... one thing that I need to say... is that I feel overwhelmingly pressured by other people [Christians] that God's heart is for people and not the planet. And certainly God's heart is for the people. Especially the poor. But God... God loves the things He has made. And He hates that those things are marginalized and set aside as "something to do after everyone gets saved."

See, I honestly think God stopped me from writing in here for a bit while He did some work in me. I used to get words when I first started going to my church that I wasn't ready to do anything, that it was just time to wait on the Lord and let Him build a good foundation that we can work from. Unfortunately, I'm impatient and impetuous, so this was frustrating to me.

But there is a great sweet joy in having a relationship with the Lord and I'm always happy when we spend good quality time together, like yesterday, and like all the time He was building our foundation.

When I first became a Christian, I was very shy about it. I wanted more than anything to follow God and not be a Christian. My prayer was, please, God, I love you, but please don't make me have to be a Christian. See, Christians were very scary people to me. They were the people that rabidly proclaimed God's hatred on most of how I lived my life or the values I held. Certainly not personally - just the impression I got from how they conducted themselves toward everyone else. So I guess I figured if I started calling myself a Christian, people I knew would begin to think of me as a terrible person.

But I didn't have a choice. God had me hooked. I knew He wanted to have a relationship with me, I began to understand that he was Love and not hate, and knowing this, I found it impossible to ignore His call.

So now, here I am, blabbing all about it. Why's it relevant to environment? Because it's not just "the environment." It's God's. He loves it. He made it. And when people get disconnected from what He has made, they're disconnected from Him. Even those who profess to follow Him.

I will no longer be ashamed or afraid to talk about Creation and God's love for it. I will no longer prance around the issue on this blog. This is who I am now.